My sister in law, Sally, recently brought home her boyfriend, and they have been talking tieing the knot. Sally suffers from fibromyalgia, as does her mother, my mother in law. Many of the lessons I have learned with Kay via CFS can be transmitted over to other chronic illnesses.
1. The woman (or man) you are marrying will not be able to do what your mother (or father) did for you growing up. Due to their illness, they often does not have the energy (or spoons, see spoon theory post) to do the things around the house or with your children. There are many days that I came home from work, found my wife and daughter still in pajamas, watching tv in bed. I still had to cook dinner after 10 hours of work, then play with my daughter to tire her (and me) out enough to go the bed. I then had to do laundry, clean up the toys, and get ready for work the next day. As my daughter grows, she can start to do things herself, which helps. But you need to know that some days you will be mom and dad to your children.
2. You will be the bread winner. The annoying one will kidnap your spouse often, which often means they will miss work, or be completely unable to work, which is my case. When I lost my job last month, I was very worried because we didn’t have the extra income to fall back on. I started a side job just to have extra income. I recently read that comedian Jay Leno had the habit of working two jobs, one was hosting the Tonight Show, that other was his weekend stand up shows. Both were comedic but one, the stand up, paired for his car collection and other toys, and the Tonight Show paycheck went in the bank. Thankfully, we had money saved in the bank to help us get by while I build my side business into a main one.
3. Find life hacks to help you. My father in law makes good money, so my in laws use disposable dishes every day. It makes a lot of trash, but it works for them. We make freezer meals or pre cook meat then freeze it so we can get meals get done quicker. This will take time and effort, but it is work it.
If any of you have other tips or life hacks that have helped you live with chronic illness that you think some newlyweds need, please share them below in the comments.
Supporting A CFS Spouse 