Pre Nuptial Advice

My sister in law, Sally, recently brought home her boyfriend, and they have been talking tieing the knot.  Sally suffers from fibromyalgia, as does her mother, my mother in law.  Many of the lessons I have learned with Kay via CFS can be transmitted over to other chronic illnesses.

1. The woman (or man) you are marrying will not be able to do what your mother (or father) did for you growing up.  Due to their illness, they often does not have the energy (or spoons, see spoon theory post) to do the things around the house or with your children.  There are many days that I came home from work, found my wife and daughter still in pajamas, watching tv in bed.  I still had to cook dinner after 10 hours of work, then play with my daughter to tire her (and me) out enough to go the bed.  I then had to do laundry, clean up the toys, and get ready for work the next day.  As my daughter grows, she can start to do things herself, which helps.  But you need to know that some days you will be mom and dad to your children.

2. You will be the bread winner.  The annoying one will kidnap your spouse often, which often means they will miss work, or be completely unable to work, which is my case.  When I lost my job last month, I was very worried because we didn’t have the extra income to fall back on.  I started a side job just to have extra income.  I recently read that comedian Jay Leno had the habit of working two jobs, one was hosting the Tonight Show, that other was his weekend stand up shows.  Both were comedic but one, the stand up, paired for his car collection and other toys, and the Tonight Show paycheck went in the bank.  Thankfully, we had money saved in the bank to help us get by while I build my side business into a main one.

3. Find life hacks to help you.  My father in law makes good money, so my in laws use disposable dishes every day.  It makes a lot of trash, but it works for them.  We make freezer meals or pre cook meat then freeze it so we can get meals get done quicker.  This will take time and effort, but it is work it.

If any of you have other tips or life hacks that have helped you live with chronic illness that you think some newlyweds need, please share them below in the comments.

Vacation- Enjoy Life

Sorry about missing a few days, we have been on vacation helping my in laws move, but it’s been great for Kay to be close to her family again.  However, the Internet hadn’t been hooked up, so we were offline for a few days.  Now, it’s Friday, tomorrow we get to meet my sister in law’s boyfriend, and things are serious, so who knows, maybe a wedding in the future.  And maybe a move.  Being close to family has been great, and since I am out of work at the moment, why not seek a new start?  We need to go home to Arizona and see how we feel without family and familiar surroundings.  No matter what, more adventures to come.  It’s Friday, go make stories for Monday.

Comparison- Feeding The Green Eyed Monster

So, we are blessed to be on vacation visiting family in the Provo, Utah area, and I was reminded of a lesson that affects both healthy and chronicle affected spouses. (If you are in the Provo area, find a J Dawgs hot dog shop, I like mine with onions and special sauce)  We took Elle to Toddler Time storytelling at the local library, and it was hard not to compare us to the other families there.  Many had at least one child, some more, one lady had three children under four and another on the way.  I always wanted a large family, but pregnancy was hard on Kay.  We are spacing out our children, if we are able to have more.  It was hard to tell myself that it was ok that we aren’t just like the girl I went to high school with who had two kids.  I was surprised to realize I was the one doing the comparing, and I was the heathy one.

CFS has affected us in ways we didn’t anticipate.  My family probably won’t be like the one I imagined whenI was single, (I imagined finding a tall redhead, instead I have a cute, fun sized brunette)  but it’s ok.  Dreams need to shift, projects shelved, but what will hurt us is comparing our families and spouses to those who have different challenges than we face.  We can only compare ourselves against where we were in the past.  The only thing to do is improve what we can, trust the rest to God, and keep enduring.  None of us were meant to compare ourselves to others, whether healthy or stuck with the annoying one.  We are here to learn, love and serve.