Provo

So, we are blessed to be on vacation visiting family in the Provo, Utah area, and I was reminded of a lesson that affects both healthy and chronicle affected spouses. (If you are in the Provo area, find a J Dawgs hot dog shop, I like mine with onions and special sauce) We took Elle to Toddler Time storytelling at the local library, and it was hard not to compare us to the other families there. Many had at least one child, some more, one lady had three children under four and another on the way. I always wanted a large family, but pregnancy was hard on Kay. We are spacing out our children, if we are able to have more. It was hard to tell myself that it was ok that we aren’t just like the girl I went to high school with who had two kids. I was surprised to realize I was the one doing the comparing, and I was the heathy one.

CFS has affected us in ways we didn’t anticipate. My family probably won’t be like the one I imagined whenI was single, (I imagined finding a tall redhead, instead I have a cute, fun sized brunette) but it’s ok. Dreams need to shift, projects shelved, but what will hurt us is comparing our families and spouses to those who have different challenges than we face. We can only compare ourselves against where we were in the past. The only thing to do is improve what we can, trust the rest to God, and keep enduring. None of us were meant to compare ourselves to others, whether healthy or stuck with the annoying one. We are here to learn, love and serve.

I first noticed her in an off campus Bible study class in college. She had a good head on her shoulders, her comments in class were insightful, and she seemed friendly. I even managed to share her bible when I forgot mine one day. (Smooth, I know.) I learned that her name was Kay, (name changed to protect my chances of sleeping in my bed) and other than that, she was quiet and kept to herself for the most part, like me.

About a month into the semester, I was lamenting over instant messaging to a friend I worked with during my missionary service about my luck in dating (or lack of it). He dared me to ask a complete stranger out. I instantly thought of Kay. Our plan was to each ask out a girl we didn’t know, have a photo scavenger hunt downtown and finish with ice cream. I planned how to ask Kay out. I noticed which way she left the room after class, (not stalkerish I promise) I was going to ask her as we walked down the hall, yet on the day I finally had the courage to ask her, she turned to wrong way! PANIC! I had to act quickly, so I pulled out my smoothest line, “Kay, wait! Can I ask you something?” (Smooth, I know).

She stopped, and I found out later that she thought I was going to ask for directions or something of the like. When I asked her out, she stared at me with an unusual mix of wide eyes and otherwise blank reaction. I thought that she figured I was ugly and figured that she was thinking up a better excuse than ‘I’m washing my hair.’ She eventually said yes, we traded numbers and made plans for me to pick her up from work on Saturday.

The big day arrived and my friend canceled on me that morning. He said he couldn’t find a date. Sucker. Being so clever, we did the scavenger hunt anyway and won by default. As we wandered downtown, snapping pictures, we talked and found that we had many things in common. Especially a love of sci fi TV shows, including Stargate SG-1 and Doctor Who. (And this was pre Matt Smith doctor, so it was shocking to find people who had even heard of it). We finished with ice cream at a great mom and pop burger and shake place, and I dropped her off at the bus stop. If anyone wants, I can share the pictures of our first date, I still have them.