How I See Chronic Illness In Our Home

Do you remember the old TGIF sitcoms from the 90’s?  Family Matters, Full House, Step By Step.  Many of them had the annoying friend or neighbor who just walked into the house and added to or was the cause of the episodes hijinks.  Family Matters had Steve Urkle, Full House had Kimmy Gibbler, Step By Step had that one guy.  The dad always hated that person, but in time they learned how to at least tolerate and work with the ‘Annoying One’.

In my home, CFS is the ‘Annoying One’ who just walks in and disrupts life, messing up plans.  How many times has CFS wandered in, taken my wife, and left me to visit family in another state with Elle myself, or be the only Dad (and guy) at a birthday party, or a single dad with a toddler bent on giving herself a traumatic brain injury on the pew at church.

There were days on end where my wife was taken away by CFS, left in bed, and I returned from a full day of work and an hour drive each way, only to be the only adult contact my daughter had all day and still had to cook dinner and put the child to bed.  Those days left me with an hour or two for anything personal including showering and anything else I wanted to do.

It still is a challenge, but we are getting by and we hope to share some tactics to help others who have their own Urkles barging in.

The Beginning, A Very Good Place to Start, How We Met and Our First Date

I first noticed her in an off campus Bible study class in college.  She had a good head on her shoulders, her comments in class were insightful, and she seemed friendly.  I even managed to share her bible when I forgot mine one day. (Smooth, I know.)  I learned that her name was Kay, (name changed to protect my chances of sleeping in my bed) and other than that, she was quiet and kept to herself for the most part, like me.

About a month into the semester, I was lamenting over instant messaging to a friend I worked with during my missionary service about my luck in dating (or lack of it).  He dared me to ask a complete stranger out.  I instantly thought of Kay.  Our plan was to each ask out a girl we didn’t know, have a photo scavenger hunt downtown and finish with ice cream.  I planned how to ask Kay out.  I noticed which way she left the room after class, (not stalkerish I promise) I was going to ask her as we walked down the hall, yet on the day I finally had the courage to ask her, she turned to wrong way!  PANIC! I had to act quickly, so I pulled out my smoothest line, “Kay, wait!  Can I ask you something?”  (Smooth, I know).

She stopped, and I found out later that she thought I was going to ask for directions or something of the like.  When I asked her out, she stared at me with an unusual mix of wide eyes and otherwise blank reaction.  I thought that she figured I was ugly and figured that she was thinking up a better excuse than ‘I’m washing my hair.’ She eventually said yes, we traded numbers and made plans for me to pick her up from work on Saturday.

The big day arrived and my friend canceled on me that morning.  He said he couldn’t find a date.  Sucker.  Being so clever, we did the scavenger hunt anyway and won by default.  As we wandered downtown, snapping pictures, we talked and found that we had many things in common. Especially a love of sci fi TV shows, including Stargate SG-1 and Doctor Who. (And this was pre Matt Smith doctor, so it was shocking to find people who had even heard of it). We finished with ice cream at a great mom and pop burger and shake place, and I dropped her off at the bus stop.  If anyone wants, I can share the pictures of our first date, I still have them.