child

So, we are blessed to be on vacation visiting family in the Provo, Utah area, and I was reminded of a lesson that affects both healthy and chronicle affected spouses. (If you are in the Provo area, find a J Dawgs hot dog shop, I like mine with onions and special sauce) We took Elle to Toddler Time storytelling at the local library, and it was hard not to compare us to the other families there. Many had at least one child, some more, one lady had three children under four and another on the way. I always wanted a large family, but pregnancy was hard on Kay. We are spacing out our children, if we are able to have more. It was hard to tell myself that it was ok that we aren’t just like the girl I went to high school with who had two kids. I was surprised to realize I was the one doing the comparing, and I was the heathy one.

CFS has affected us in ways we didn’t anticipate. My family probably won’t be like the one I imagined whenI was single, (I imagined finding a tall redhead, instead I have a cute, fun sized brunette) but it’s ok. Dreams need to shift, projects shelved, but what will hurt us is comparing our families and spouses to those who have different challenges than we face. We can only compare ourselves against where we were in the past. The only thing to do is improve what we can, trust the rest to God, and keep enduring. None of us were meant to compare ourselves to others, whether healthy or stuck with the annoying one. We are here to learn, love and serve.

Do you remember the old TGIF sitcoms from the 90’s? Family Matters, Full House, Step By Step. Many of them had the annoying friend or neighbor who just walked into the house and added to or was the cause of the episodes hijinks. Family Matters had Steve Urkle, Full House had Kimmy Gibbler, Step By Step had that one guy. The dad always hated that person, but in time they learned how to at least tolerate and work with the ‘Annoying One’.

In my home, CFS is the ‘Annoying One’ who just walks in and disrupts life, messing up plans. How many times has CFS wandered in, taken my wife, and left me to visit family in another state with Elle myself, or be the only Dad (and guy) at a birthday party, or a single dad with a toddler bent on giving herself a traumatic brain injury on the pew at church.

There were days on end where my wife was taken away by CFS, left in bed, and I returned from a full day of work and an hour drive each way, only to be the only adult contact my daughter had all day and still had to cook dinner and put the child to bed. Those days left me with an hour or two for anything personal including showering and anything else I wanted to do.

It still is a challenge, but we are getting by and we hope to share some tactics to help others who have their own Urkles barging in.